I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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