I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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