They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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