Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
