THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
