I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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