Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
