That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
