people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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