my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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