Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
