Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
