Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
