ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
