You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Come see our sink grown plant.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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