im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You made out with two different species that night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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