just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
