Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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