I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
