You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
