Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
