I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
