Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
