He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
