I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
