I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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