Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
