Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
