he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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