I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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