We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize