Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
