Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
