we're chasing vodka with high fives
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
