Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
