he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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