On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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