I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
