Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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