This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
