I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
