WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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