I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
