3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
