i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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