you guys were way drunker than both of me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
