she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
