You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
