The maid of honor just puked.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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