Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
