Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize