So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I am morally bankrupt
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
