There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
