Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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