you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
