The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize