So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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