how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
organizing the empties. That sober.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
