I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
