meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
