im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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