Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
