you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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