piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
