just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
