the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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