Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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