just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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