apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
