No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
